by Elfie Marie (@elfie_marie)
Consider this a public service announcement of sorts. To the men out there who think that they have "game", or are clever in anyway, if you can find any parallels in some of the stories I'm going to tell, I hate to break it to you, but you don't. The following is a collection of the bad, the awful, and the terrifying in the world of "pick up lines". They're guaranteed to make you laugh, or confuse you just as much as they did me.
I would like to go back a number of years to me as a fourteen year-old girl. I was developed for my age, to say the least, and I was walking my dog in my fairly quiet, mainly Irish-Italian neighborhood. I turn the
corner from my house, and am confronted with an African- American man, extremely large in build, and unsettling in his demeanor. As I walk past him, I hear "Heyyy". I turn around, which I later came to find out was a gigantic mistake. I nod my head in acknowledgment, and he says "you know I can wear that leash too, right?" I stare momentarily, look down at my almost one year-old Shih Tzu, barely a large enough to fit into his tiny harness, look back at this brick wall of a man, and despite my intimidation, I laugh. The pure logistics of what he was saying made no sense. He could not be serious, could he? But, as he was in no way joking, I looked for a trace of humor on his face. He was serious, This was an actual attempt to get my attention. Well, little did I know this was the inciting incident to what would be years of attempts similar to this, and even worse.
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