So, lately I’ve realized that many of my actions are not so “lady-like”, well, at least that is what I am being told. But, what is it, really, to be lady-like? Does being a lady mean I have to shut my mouth and pretend the entire male persona is absolutely correct? Do I have to cover my body and adhere to the many guidelines that men like to create for a woman? If being a lady means I have no voice, no opinion, no creativity, and no equality, then I don’t think I want to be a lady.
I’m often criticized for my many tattoos and the location of them on my body. My mom considers them disgusting and unneeded, and elderly women on the street stare at me in disgust as if I have broken all the unspoken codes of being a woman. Why does having a tattoo make me less of a woman, or shall I say “lady”, than the woman who is clothed head-to-toe and hating her appearance? I don’t believe it’s because women truly hate our generation or what we’re doing, but I think a part of them envies it. Just as little as 50 years ago, women were treated like house maids; they were expected to stay home and take care of their husbands and children. They didn’t have much choice in anything, and most women were not bold enough to go against neither husbands nor society. 2011 operates so differently: women have many more options, and are just as independent and respected as men, for the most part. So, why is it that so many of us teenage girls are frowned upon and labeled as "un-lady-like"?
I am a lady, a lady with 16 tattoos, 9 piercings, and dresses that stop above my knees. I like to expose my body as an art template, rather than just a piece of meat hidden behind clothes I’m not comfortable in. I don’t expect respect if I don’t give it to myself, which is why I do. I curse, I eat whatever I please, I burp in public, and I even engage in the many inappropriate trending topics of Twitter. I am also polite, respectful, a poet, have taken part in a Academic Decathlon and Theatre workshop, am writing my own book, and plan to be the first Black and Latina woman to win an Oscar for director of the year. I’m not perfect, and I would hate to put on an act as if I am. I realize my mistakes, and I only try to learn and change by them, not build an ocean of regrets and drown in them. If being a lady is having respect for yourself and others, then I am a lady. I respect myself enough to know myself and know what makes me happy, and judgmental requirements that are one hundred years old don’t make me happy. However, I'm forced to respect the women who were strong enough to follow them years ago, because abiding by someone else’s guidelines must be tough.
Ultimately, these are all just words, or terms that people like to live by to feel satisfied with themselves. It would take more than just one word to be able to describe or evaluate me, because that is all any word really does: evaluate us. The expectations you set for yourself are much greater than those anyone else sets for you. To all my ladies reading this: remember, that a part of being a lady means you deserve a gentleman, and nothing less of one.
Bria Burke (@juiceyventuri)
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