I always took myself as a somewhat affectionate, pretty outgoing and social person. That no longer seems to be the case. like most people, The day of the week I look forward to is not friday or saturday. Its actually monday. My first thoughts at the beginning of my week aren’t… I can’t wait to party. I’m not searching for approval or affection from anyone. I don’t need people calling me and checking up on me. I thought I was the type of person who wanted to have a boyfriend for the sake of not being a lone. Until, I started to really look at my life..I enjoy being by myself as much as I enjoy the company of others. I just realized how self-sufficient I actually am.
People may take it as inconsiderate, rude, or just as if I don’t care about their lives or issues in life… and I do.. I actually care about a lot of people and a lot of things… but a lot of people don’t really care about what goes on inside my actual life. I believe reason being because everyones mentality is “who cares about me?” “who loves me?” “what will this person do for me?” “when will this person call/text me?” I never think like that. It doesn’t worry me. Because I have my own things to deal with instead of wondering who cares enough to ask me… I guess that makes me a private person. I use to flaunt my issues through myspace…and I guess a little on facebook.. but my issues are really to no ones concern and I think they should stay that way. I learned that you don’t have to tell everyone everything and its ok to keep to yourself.
My day to day life is anything but easy. Trust me I am not here to complain because I know something good will come of it sometime soon.
I just have a lot of people in my life that expect to much and give too little. and I guess its fair to say this is a give take world, but I’m not here to give for the sake of receiving nor am I here to do things because its expected of me.
and I’m at the point in age where my own life is more important than those around me.. and not to say I dont love the people in my life because I do.. but those people aren’t going to get my work done, my health and body in perfect shape, my finances cleared and squared away, give me a career, work for me when it comes to getting a career, save my money, ect… the list goes on.
I need to depend on myself, and train myself to be reliable when it comes to my own good. I can’t worry about people who just want some attention. because right now I want anything but attention, I don’t need it.
Don’t get me wrong friends and family are wonderful to have, I am blessed to have such amazing people in my life. I just want to be by myself at times and not speak to anyone. And I most certainly have the right to do so.
