Why I don't date guys who work at bars

… Because, apparently, saying “I don’t date guys who work at bars” is not self-explanatory enough.

[At the risk of sounding conceited and snobby, I’m writing this anyway, because it’s semi-hilarious and the truth.]

#1 Taking me “out for drinks” at a place where you already get free drinks does not count as a date, nor is it impressive. If you work at a bar, shouldn’t you be getting me free drinks when I’m already there to attempt to impress me in the first place? Uhh-duh!

#2 If we were to date, we would inevitably break up (because I’m not marrying someone who works at a bar… unless he owns the bar) and things would probably get, like, really awkward. You’d see me drunkenly going home flirting with other guys. You’d stop giving me free drinks. I’d have to witness you embarrassingly flirt with other girls to try and get my attention. It’s just a lose-lose. So, really, I’m, like, totally sparing your feelings in the long run, right?

#3 During the “courting” stage, too many of you [bartenders/bouncers] begin getting stingy with the free drinks for God knows why. I think it’s a “let me see how into me you are or if you’re using me for the free drinks” move… but take a moment and think about this - Duh we want the free drinks. Like, obviously! Hello! Yes, you may be hot with a cute butt, and yes you may be the nicest guy in the world… but you. work. at. a. bar. - free drinks and cutting the line are the only real benefits you have to offer. Don’t kid yourself. Like I’m really going to A) buy my own drink, then B) go hang out with you by the door? Refer to #1.

#4 If I’m at your bar so often that you feel confident enough to ask me out, that probably means I actually like going to your bar and want to continue to blackout and meet hot guys go there. If and when #2 happens, I don’t want to have to stop coming because it makes you feel bad or it makes me feel to catch you staring at me.

#5 Let’s be real, you’re probably a manslut. Lord knows how many other girls from the bar you’ve managed to bang. Most likely upwards of 50 at least. Yuck. Never trust a bro who works in nightlife.

#6 You work… at a bar.

So to put it plainly, it’s never a good idea to date a guy who works at a bar, or in that general industry. I’ll take someone with a reliable 5-days-a-week, salary, kinda deal. Steady income. And they can spend their nights devoted to buying me drinks and taking me home twirling me on the dance floor

Alex Sautter (@calexifornia)

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