I can probably count on one hand the times I have stepped on a scale in the past several years to learn my own weight. Not because I enjoy being fat or because I am lazy, but because it terrified me. After I got sick in high school, the doctors told me to throw away all of the scales in my house - that the weight gain didn’t matter as long as I was healthy. I agreed, until I returned home from the hospital to discover a horrifying number on the scale. And by horrifying number, I mean five pounds less than I weigh now. I spent two hours crying on the floor of my bedroom. But, I had to agree with the medical professionals, to a certain extent. After all, muscle weighs more than fat. A more accurate way of measuring weight loss is exactly that - measuring. That’s what I’ve done and continue to do when monitoring my size.
There have been times when I’ve come close to my goal torso measurements. It’s the voluptuous portuguese hips that get in my way. I inherited them from my mother. But, I’m still 2 1/2 inches away from those goal measurements - I figured it was time I knew how many pounds I was dealing with.
Last Friday, I had a doctor’s appointment. I stepped on the scale, like they make you do at every doctor’s appointment. Normally I would say to the nurse “don’t tell me what my weight is” - and they would understand due to my medical history - but this time I wanted to know. I knew it wouldn’t be great news, but it was better than I expected. A number I could work with. Within reach of that goal weight. That ideal BMI. According to the Body Mass Index app on my computer, my current weight is normal for a woman of 5’9”… but I don’t want to be normal - I want to be ideal. I’m 15 pounds heavier than ideal. Fifteen pounds. Sure, that’s a lot.That’s like 2 newborn babies. But it’s possible. It’s doable. I can do it.
And so continues my quest for a bangin’ bod… When all of your friends look like Sports Illustrated swimsuit models, it’s easy to feel and look like the fat girl. I can’t say I’m not surrounded by thinspiration - now it’s time to get there.
Alex Sautter (@calexifornia)
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